She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
