I'm going to jail i love you
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
