i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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