Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
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How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
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Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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