I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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