So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
