I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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