Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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