you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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