Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My first STD was from a foam party
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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