Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
