So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
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Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
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WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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