I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
