Im at strip club and am horny
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
