Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
