i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize