i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
