is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
