im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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