The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
