a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
