Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
