threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
