Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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