he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
