No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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