I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
