I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
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