shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
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