The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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