I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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