Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
there is puke in my bra ... again
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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