Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
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Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
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A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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