Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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