what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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