i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Let's get the cat blown out
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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