i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
