I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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