i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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