You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize