Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
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Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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