Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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