Are we in a gay sports bar?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
