I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
