3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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