ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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