Cold hands, warm shart.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
