I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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