I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize