So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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