in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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