His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
