But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
