Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
