wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
