What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize