he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
