My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
