But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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