do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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