i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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